9 Things I hate about Orange (Angry Post)

I usually don't mind dealing with mobile phone operators. The staff are usually well-trained, courteous, helpful, and know what they're doing. Sadly, in the sorry state of affairs that is our world today, Orange has taken over the once reasonably-efficient Jordan Telecom and turned it into a bureaucratic nightmare that is akin to visiting a government department.

The once-excellent standard of service that Jordan Telecom employees had has been flushed down the toilet, replaced by money-hungry ineptitude and a wall of misinformation and communication breakdown. Yes, there is a total and utter breakdown of communication inside Orange, and the irony should be evident to everyone (Just in case it isn't, however: They are a Communications company, but they cannot communicate amongst themselves. Hence: irony.)

Case in point: I have had an Orange phone line for a full seven years now, and it was in use by my mother and aunt for a good year before that. We got into that company on the ground floor, man! Now, the line wasn't registered under my name, but I have been using it for years and paying the bills. When I decided I might as well be able to control the line (e.g. get itemized bills, change plans, etc.) my aunt and I went to Orange, and signed an authorization paper, saying I was now authorized to do whatever I wanted with the line, or so I thought. Well, it came as something of a surprise when I discovered that this does not, months later, allow me to change my payment plan.

WHAT? THE? FUCK?

What else would an authorization do? Allow me to use the damn phone? I've been using it since I went to university! They couldn't tell us that little piece of information when we signed the damn thing? Well, no. Apparently there are several levels of authorization. I presume the higher levels allow me access to Area 51 and information on who really killed Kennedy.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. The reason I wanted to change the payment plan from a monthly bill to pay-as-you-go is the fact that I hardly ever use the phone anymore. You see, I also have a Zain line (Super 5 offer) that makes things a lot cheaper for me (my payment plan is still 6 or 7 piasters a minute), and because Orange have become ridiculously happy to disconnect your line as soon as you miss a payment. And they don't reconnect it after you pay, either: it took me four days to get my line reconnected after they cut me off last time.

Well, to put a final nail in their coffin, I go in with my aunt (in whose name the line is) to cancel the line once and for all. That's it. I've had it with them calling me every day to "remind me" that I have an outstanding bill. On both my mobile numbers. And at home. And calling my aunt, at home and on her mobile. I think I could sue them for harassment in some countries.

Anyway, back to canceling the line, we had the stupid idea of going into our local Orange office to do so. Oh, guess what? You can't do it in a branch office. YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE SEVENTH CIRCLE. Are you serious? What mind-bending, drug altering drugs are you people popping? You just want to make it difficult for people to leave your money-hungry company, I understand that. But come on! This is bullshit!

It's bad enough I can never pay my bills at the Cozmo branch (The idiot stationed there in the morning never has any change or a VISA machine. EVER), but now you're telling me I have to go in and wait for a million people to finish their billion transactions at your most congested branch? And you're wondering why I don't want to pay my bills?

Anyway, I've lost my train of that in that little red haze that descended over my eyes. To make a long story short, Orange sucks, they organize a piss-up in a brewery, and I look forward to the day when they are run out of business because of their incredible ineptitude. Here are some bullet points to emphasize the point:


1-Zain has better tariffs than Orange.
2-Orange Charges me something like 50% (of my subscription) extra in taxes and costs that I don't even understand every month. They don't know why.
3-orange disconnects my line as soon as I miss a payment. Jordan Telecom gave you three months.
4-Orange disconnect your line over 4JD of outstanding bills, even though you've logged no activity on the line in the last month.
5-You can't do shit with a line unless it's in your name, or if you are capable of hacking their system.
6-Nobody who works at Orange knows anything about the company's operating procedures.
7-Information on payment plans is on a need-to-know basis, and the customer does not need to know.
8-Orange will harass you as if you're a criminal if you haven't paid your bill. That's AFTER they've discontinued all services.
9-Orange will sometimes decide to disconnect your line for no reason.

The best Sci-Fi and Fantasy books EVER (in my humble opinion) Part I - Fantasy

Y'know something? I'm happy to see all these new bookshops opening around the country, offering quite a wealth of books in Arabic and English (and sometimes French). It's even refreshing to see kids (and adults) taking an interest in some proper Sci-fi/fantasy books, too. I've had a huge love affair with sci-fi and fantasy over the years, and despite the fact that much of what I've read can be classified as trash, there are a few books out there that truly offer unique take on the genres.

Fantasy is somewhat easier to write about: even though I've only ever read one of his books, I think David Gemmel is a very good writer. Terry Goodkind's earlier works (before 2001), though slightly preachy, were compelling reads with good plots (after 2001, he became an ultra right-wing nutter who probably advocates nuking the Middle East, or so his books seem to suggest. The main character, Richard, who is called the Seeker of Truth and is a good guy with a conscience, somehow now has no problem killing evildoers without remorse, since it's only right to do so.....yeah...right...killing people without caring is no big deal. Idiot).

Also, I've started reading Neil Jordan's Wheel of Time series, which, I can say based on an informed reading of the first five pages, looks decent enough to get into.


Although he doesn't quite fall under the same category, the historical fiction of Bernard Cornwell (All the Sharpe books) is superb: the man knows what he's on about, and his more recent series, the name of which I can't remember, save for the title of one of the books, Harlequin, is an entertaining read.

Of course, let us never forget the true master of fantasy, the man who pretty much set the standard for modern sword-and-sorcery: J.R.R. Tolkien himself, whose books, more than fifty years later, are still incredibly popular. If you've never read the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, pick them up now; they're well worth it. The Hobbit is a quick and easy read, and quite entertaining. Lord of the Rings is a bit complicated and spends far too much time describing trees and too little time describing action, but once you get through it, you'll understand why it's the ultimate work of fantasy ever written, and that everything that came after copied Tolkien.

If you are a glutton for punishment, and want to read stories that make the events of LotR look like a pre-school picture book, find a copy of the Silmarillion and read it. Three times. It'll take you that long to sort out everyone's name and understand the relationships between the various characters, but the book is well worth it. Essentially, it is the history of Arda, the world where LotR takes place from creation and until the end of LotR. The stuff that happens in the First Age of the world is so goddamn hardcore, it makes the battle of the Pelennor Fields in Return of the King look like a water balloon fight. Seriously, the Silmarillion should be Tolkien's most popular work.


Well, that's enough for now: gotta head off to a meeting. See you next time for part two: The best Sci-fi books EVER!

The Shoddy State of Advertising in the Arab World

Is it just me, or is advertising in the Arab world really shite? It seems we are completely incapable of producing anything of any quality, because the majority of our TV and Radio advertising panders to the worst possible set of retarded ideas and even more retarded products.


Exhibit A: Skin Bleaching Creams.

It was bad enough when the stupidly-branded "fair and lovely" started polluting our screens with the idea that if you're not white, you're ugly, now we have Olay, a major cosmetics company, promoting their own bleach-you-pretty products. Now, seriously, do we really want to go around promoting the idea that if you're not a certain skin colour, you are automatically ugly and doomed to a life of failure and being a social outcast?


Exhibit B: Other Stupid Cosmetic Products

Meet Jane Doe: An aspiring journalist with dandruff. Due to the fact that she is afflicted by this terrible modern equivalent to leprosy, syphilis and the bubonic plague rolled into one, she can't find a job. However, the miracle of X-Company's revolutionary Product X can cure her of her stupidity, ineptitude and the unfairness of a capitalist system, allowing her to land a dream job as a TV Reporter.

Well, I fucking want some of that product! I mean, can you imagine the possibilities? Getting into clubs for free? Getting free drinks? Having people pay for your shopping? Getting the Nobel Prize for Physics! The sky's the limit! And all you have to do is get this magical product!


Exhibit C: Dubbing Advertisements

It's bad enough that you have stupid people acting in your ads, but why oh why would you want to upgrade the level of stupidity by having mentally-deficient people dub the damn thing in the SAME language just to "improve" the voices? I mean seriously, people...don't you realise that these idiots you hire are extremely annoying and only make the stupid ad worse? Haven't you realised yet that dubbing never works out completely right, and it ends up sounding like garbage?


Give us a break, and think of something better, dammit! Some originality would be nice!

People I can't stand

It strikes me as odd that I only ever really feel like blogging when I'm really angry. I guess I like venting, perhaps in the vain belief that someone actually gives a fuck what I have to say. If anything, I hope you find this amusing:


People I hate: Shit-for-brains Employers

So, this gentleman, who shall remain anonymous, is a slave-driving douchebag. Why? Well, let us review:

I was commissioned by this individual to write twenty episodes of a TV cartoon series, each episode based on four pages of a really bad comic. So, essentially, I have to adapt each four pages into a fifteen-minute English-teaching cartoon.

Well, I was up for the challenge, and despite my better judgment, agreed to hand in an episode every two days. That meant turning the twenty lines of text and six pictures that these four pages contained into a cartoon every two days. Plus I had to develop the characters for the cartoon. And come up with stories and dialogue. And tips for grammar and spelling to go between every animated segment. Essentially, I'm writing a 3600 word cartoon episode every two days practically from scratch.

Now, I asked him before I even wrote the pilot to meet the animators and the director/producer in charge of the project. But that never happened. We recorded seven episodes of the cartoon, and I figured he was happy. Then my dad went into hospital, and for three weeks, I couldn't produce any work because I was too busy at the hospital and looking after my mum and dad, and the house. Forgive me for being too worried about whether or not my 65-year-old diabetic smoker dad with high blood pressure and a family history of heart trouble was going to survive.

Well, Mr. Shit-for-brains got angry at me. For not handing work in. Personally, I couldn't have cared less. But he sent me a text asking me to "make clear where [I] stand". I called him four times to try to explain my situation. He never picked up the phone.

Anyway, I got back to work. Three episodes later, we were back on track. A total of ten recorded episodes later, he tells his people to tell me that we have to "modify" the episodes we'd recorded. Apparently, he's unhappy with the number of locations in each episode, and unhappy that we're not using all the characters in the book in every episode.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON, YOU USELESS WASTE OF OXYGEN?

Too many locations? He wants me to go through every episode (except the pilot) and redo the locations where the action takes place, because it's too much of a hassle to animate them. Also, he's not happy that not all the "main" characters are in every episode.

Now, these characters he considers "main" are eleven in number. Needless to say, you cannot fit eleven main characters into fifteen minutes of animation, let alone on top of a supporting cast of six or more minor characters. I'd like to see someone try that. Really, I would.

Also, with regards to the locations, the question stands thus: Exactly how in the name of the seven unholy hells am I supposed to know how much is too much? Did I not specifically ask to speak to the director and the animators from day one? And did that happen? NO. And whose fault is that? Mine? Problem is, I'm using the exact locations that are in the book.

Now, as for these "modifications" he wants me to do, he'll try to spin them as minor changes so he won't have to pay me for them. Not to mention that we'll have to re-record all the damn episodes again.

So, that's what I have to look forward to tomorrow, the third meeting we've scheduled (he canceled the first two after I had arrived and been waiting for him).

What I need to do is figure out how to get out of this mess, and what I want to get out of tomorrow's crappy meeting. I wonder if I should just give him the finger and tell him I'm not writing any more...So I'll lose thousands potentially... is it that bad?

So much to catch up on....

Wow...it's really been a long time since I've blogged. There's so much I've wanted to say, a lot of anger I've wanted to let out, and many beautiful things to talk about.

So where does one start after such a hiatus?

Wherever the mind takes you, I guess.

Being Engaged

Now that's a cool experience. Scary as hell considering all the financial questions that keep coming up, especially with property prices being what they are, and all rent control going out the window in 2010. So, what'll happen to us? We can't afford to buy a house, and I'm afraid to think about what rent will be like in two years. Very scary, I warrant.


Elections

I feel like a bit of a cheat. I don't really want to vote, even though I strongly believe that I should. I'm sure that a lot of the candidates out there deserve a vote, but to be honest, there's so little I know about any of them. It's ridiculous! Despite websites like 7iber.com (which offers some background on candidates), I still know nothing beyond the stupid gimmicks plastered along with their unflatteringly-photographed faces all over the city. And on that note, why is Mamdouh Abbadi the only person who looks remotely trustworthy? Everyone else looks like they've been photographed after being arrested. And don't even get me started about the bearded guy with the bad comb-over! You're going bald, mate. DEAL WITH IT. Those 12 strands of hair aren't fooling anyone!


Dexter

No, not the cartoon, but a very interesting TV series I got on DVD about a police forensics expert by day/serial killer by night. But Dexter's actually a very likable character; he only kills "bad" people who escaped the punishment of the law on some technicality. Still, he's a murderer, and a very brutal one at that. Kind of begs the question: How much better than his victims is he? Interesting. In any case, get the series. It's worth watching. Seriously.


Piracy

Q: Why will piracy never go away, despite the legislation that governments try to impose on copyright and intellectual property?
A: Because everyday people have no wish to pay 15 JDs for a CD that costs 0.10 JD to make.

It's simple math, folks. DVDs and CDs do not cost that much to make or package. Most of the money goes as profits to the people who import, ship, and sell them. You can just potter down to a million places in Balad and buy a DVD for 1 JD a pop, or cheaper if you buy ten at a time. Why on earth would you spend twice as much for an original? One original vs. Twenty pirated. The math is simple. Unless someone wants to start giving consumers cheaper copies, I really don't see why anyone should care that EMI, Virgin Records, or Sony are making any less money. Sell your products at a more reasonable price, and then we'll talk.

That being said, I definitely don't believe that piracy is always justified. I firmly believe that local talent should be supported, mostly because it sucks to be a musician, actor, writer or filmmaker in this part of the world, and you need every qirsh you can get. Plus, local stuff is usually cheaper.

I know a lot of people will have issue with this post, but it's just personal opinion here. Comments are welcome!


It's good to be back...

What a weird 24 hours!

There's really something to be said about having a bunch of experiences that are completely novel within a 24-hour period. Case in point? It's now nine a.m. I've been up since six working on finishing an article, having gone to sleep at two a.m. yesterday night. Somehow, I'm lucid, possibly thanks to the fact that I don't really have to do anything for a while after today.

Oh, and I proposed to my girlfriend last night, as well. Now that's a novel experience, too. She said yes, by the way, and I knew she would, but it was still a nerve wracking experience, setting everything up to be perfect. Somehow, despite minor glitches, everything worked out perfectly. And there was the look on her face, of course. Excuse me for waxing poetic, but I don't think I've ever seen her look that beautiful.

So, now I have to relearn typing whilst wearing a ring on my right hand (well, an engagement band, anyway...guys do wear those, right? Or is it just after the wedding? I'm confused), and since I haven't worn a ring since I was seventeen (and god, what a hideous ring that was), visions of oddly swollen fingers abound...this should be interesting...

Well, my train of thought left the platform long ago, and here I am, running through the ticket stands trying to catch it, but it remains elusive as a greased eel in a vat of oil (that is to say, very elusive). So, before I go off on another tangent, I'm off to get some seafood...I have a strange craving for fried calamari (and yes, I do realise it's squid, not eel, but work with me!)

Bad Chocolate Milk

Or, as I envision the film version (starring Sam Jackson): "This is how motherfuckers accidentally get sued!"


Yes, this is a post about chocolate milk, but it's about BAD chocolate milk. Kudos to a company called Juhayna who somehow managed to produce the most god-awful-tasting chocolate milk I have ever tasted! Each 200gm carton of this monstrosity contains just under 200 calories, 6.7 gms of protein, and 33-ish gms of carbs. Oh, did I mention it tastes like crap?

Ok, sure it costs only about 15 qirsh, but is that really an excuse to have our kids (and adults!) drinking this? It's terrible! It tastes about as much like chocolate as....vanilla...

Honestly, if I weren't so damn cheap, I would have thrown it away rather than finishing it....but hey, I am, and I did.

The dark prelude of the soul

Noise, noise, noise!
It surrounds me;
It drowns me out.
My own voice cannot contend
Disapproving voices that speak from disapproving faces.
Anger, disappointment and fear, comrades all,
Whisper to them and whisper to me.
Why won't this mutual discord bring us together?
What is the use of all one believes when with but a word it can be laid bare?
Where are the days gone by, when all was simple love?
When all was child's play, the innocence of youth?
It is gone now, replaced by the trials of the adult.

Tears refuse to come, denied too long.
I feel them there in the back, wishing to come out, wanting their freedom.
Beside me another cries, the remnants of mistakes once made.
I wonder what she is thinking about, what thoughts give her release?
And I think back to mine.
It was all going so well. The collision was averted. The world was saved.
Everyone was happy, and we were ready to move on to greater things.
And yet, from that place where comfort comes, discomfort seems to swell.
By the gods, it swells!
Crashing like the inevitable wave, the same that drowned Gomorrah and others besides.
The world we saved, the world we built, was threatened once more.
The storms of wrath crashed against the walls of the soul. And broke them.

All is not laid to waste, but the winds still blow.
Sadness and lamentation for the city lost once more,
hope buried deep under the rubble that was dreams.
No love is felt. Little compassion. Just selfish anger by all.

Some thoughts on monsters

There is a monster that lives within me;
Its eyes are green.
It is envy, jealousy; that ancient foe from days long past.
Oh cursed perspective, to see through another's eyes
Oh cursed perspective, to fear what others fear.
You are no longer as inviolate as you thought your armour to be.
Your shield is rusted, and danger seeps in.
How could you not fear that this would happen?
Was your faith so blinded in promises?
But promises die.
Dreams die.
Men die, dreams live on.
Some do, others do not.
The sum total of dreams that have died since the beginning of the world far outweighs those that survived.
What is this insignificant dream that you latch onto so?
What is it but a candle in a hurricane?
It can be blown away easier than dust, and all you have to rekindle it is faith.
And where is your faith now?
Where is your faith in the abscense of clouds?

Ode to the One I Miss

Where art thou, Rain Cloud? Why do you sit so far?
What silly questions I ask...
I wanted to say how much I missed you.
I wanted to say how much I hate not hearing from you all that often.
Strange how I now understand how you used to feel.
You're amazing, by the way, and I'm very proud of you.
But some secret, dark part of me is giving rise to horrible fears
Giving rise to terrible imaginings...
I worry about my little rain cloud in the midst of a black storm.
I worry at the hustle and bustle around you.
I miss you, I do.
Simply put, I long to be in your arms.
But you are too far away, and I am here, feeling alone.
Come back to me, come back to me soon,
For I am lost as only one enamoured can be,
Lonely as only one who has surrendered his heart can feel.